Tuesday, March 1, 2011

It Takes a Village Idiot

Being a Vegetarian is hard. Being a Vegan is way hard. Doing either of these becomes a daily battle once people start hearing about the changes you are making and then proceed to prove you wrong and dissuade you. One of the reasons I am trying so desperately to change my diet is to lower my blood pressure (one night in the ER thinking you will die from high BP would motivate you also), ironically, people challenging my choice sends my BP through the roof. So let's go to school, shall we? There are lots of variations of the two eating styles, my guess is there are more, this is just what I found:

Lacto-Vegetarians = eats dairy but no eggs
Ovo-Vegetarians  = eats eggs but no dairy
Lacto-Ovo-Vegetarians = eats eggs & dairy
Vegan Light= Eats zero animal products (including Jell-O, Oreos, most soups, etc.)
Vegan = See Vegan Light + will not use/buy anything made from animals (leather,wool, silk, etc.)

I am resting comfortably between Ovo-Veg & Lacto-Ovo Veg. but aspire to be Vegan Light. I don't like labels- I prefer to do my own thing- eat what makes me feel good- eat outside the box so to speak. Now you may be saying ,"Geez Cat, why do you need to split hairs- will there be a quiz or something?". No, no quiz- but some people still subscribe to the "it takes a village" philosophy of making their neighbor act right. By act right, I mean act like them-eat like them-don't you dare threaten to put the meat industry out of business-it's my job to change your mind- you're gonna die from protein deficiency- helpers. I did not know that there was a secret society of protein Nazi's out there that would interrogate my beliefs, goals and diet upon learning I did not want to eat meat anymore. WTF everyone! I think there are bigger problems in the world to resolve than what I don't want to eat or how I classify myself.

Most of my village people have hi-fived me for my efforts to be (in my humble opinion) a better me. Some have said you're crazy but go you! And then there are the village idiots. These are the few who act like they are interested in my new found enlightenment and engage me in conversation, ask questions, nod in agreement and then WHAMO say this: but your shoes are leather, animals are used in your make up, do you have silk underwear, where will you get your protein, women have to eat meat/milk/anything else village idiot eats but feels bad so I should eat it too- you have to eat meat because the Government put it on the food pyramid (guess they don't know the meat industry leaders helped design the food pyramid)- nanny nanny boo boo. Holy fuck- can ya just say good for you? I mean, when I was continuously eating  potato chips, soda, pizza and cheeseburgers- I don't recall anyone so passionately (well, not at all) attempting to stage a full on diet intervention! No one was worried about my protein or calcium intake- much less all of helpless saturated fat filled snack cakes I was consuming -much less pointing out the cons of my not so great choices-much less letting me know my ass was quickly approaching maximum density. Where were you then, food hero!

So why then, is it that when I say "I am trying to be a Vegetarian" do so many people whip out their Power Point presentation to show me how hypocritical I am by wearing leather but not eating the cow? Why do they insist on telling me i'm not a Vegetarian if I eat eggs, they are baby chickens you know! (yes I do know that- and if another person says that to me I swear to all that is Holy and the Steak & Shake Gods that I will resort to violence). And I thought the Jehovah's Witnesses stalking my apartment complex are invasive. When it comes down to it- I didn't put this choice to a vote. I am doing this for my health on my terms and rather enjoying the adventure.

In an effort to control my BP and trips to jail for homicide, I am adopting a new approach. If they ask about my diet I will reach out to them and share my new food adventures, how great I am feeling and how I don't feel any guilt while noshing down my new cuisine. And while I am still reaching, whack them in the forehead and let them know I am working hard to detox and I don't need their poison tongue mucking up my road to awesomeness. I might whack them again to make sure my message sunk into their little village idiot closed mind. Trust me, I know how to slay that kind of idiot, because I used to be one.


  1. Very funny- I do this to vegetarians- hadn't really thought of how it sounds until I read this. No whack in the head required! Good luck to you!

  2. Ooops- I have been the village idiot (winces in embarassment)

  3. Thanks for commenting! I have been the VI also! Makes me want to go find those people I put the hurt on and say, "I'm sorry for being an ass hat".

  4. Personally I'm incredibly proud of you. Funny how when you're on a bad diet people are 'too polite' to say anything but once you start down a healthy path they want to sabotage your efforts.

    Anyway, I'm proud of you and your statistics are HEALTHY - don't want to lose weight or change that BMI too fast. Let me know when you want to walk or exercise. I'm all about it these days.

  5. Hi Kate- To hear (read) you say that you are proud of me- really means the world. I admire and have a tremendous amount of respect for you.

    I will take you up on that walk (and gossip I hope)! Three weeks in and I really feel much healthier and like a walk would be quite beautiful.